The Bitter End
by Clare Mansfield
Summary: Things have changed. Some things cannot be forgotten. As Voldemort returns and the Second War begins two old friends try to understand their new place in an uncertain world.But is it enough to hope or will that which they have tried to retain be destroyed
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Well, it's been almost a year since I left Remus and Sirius alone in that flat together and, believe it or not, it has actually taken me that long to recover! For a very long time I considered writing something else, something that would continue the story where I left off in "Sleeping With Ghosts" but for a LONG time the story was lost to me. However, due to my perhaps unhealthy attachment to the characters of Sirius and, in particular, Remus I found that I just couldn't leave some things untold..._

_So here it is. A sequel to both "Without You, I'm Nothing" and "Sleeping With Ghosts." I hope you enjoy reading it. If you are new to these stories welcome! And, if you are one of those oh so faithful readers that stuck with me until "The Bitter End" then I thank you SO much. I just hope that this lives up to your expectations._

_Much thanks to my wonderful housemate and beta, Megan, who listens to me prattle on about Remus/Sirius more than most people would tolerate. Thank you to Rosie whose unwavering support helped me on Mugglenet. Thanks to SomethingBorrowed whose words of encouragement inspired me. _

**Years have passed. Things have changed. Somethings cannot be forgotten. As Voldemort returns and the Second War begins two old friends try to understand their new place in an uncertain world. But is it enough to hope or will that which both Sirius and Remus have struggled to retain and recapture be destroyed once and for all? **

**Post GoF. Set during OotP. No DH/HBP spoilers. WARNING: Slashy undertones abound!**

**Disclaimer: I am merely the puppet master. No need to sue! **

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The world had waited, although not for long. In that week Remus knew, perhaps for the first time, what it was to sleep deeply. Every morning Remus found himself waking much earlier than the man beside him - a man he thought would never share his bed again - and he would turn on his side to regard the face of his friend.

"Sirius?" Remus had whispered on one occasion in an attempt to discern whether or not he was truly asleep.

"I'm sleeping," had been Sirius' curt but drowsy reply.

Unbeknownst to Sirius Remus had smiled then, turning away and pulling the blanket up around himself before drifting back to sleep. He had been woken later that morning by the sound of running water from the bathroom beyond, and by Sirius singing some vaguely familiar song that Remus remembered from the past.

Sirius had tried his best to convince Remus that he should be allowed to leave the flat, if only once. Remus point blank refused.

"I just don't think it's a good idea," Remus said, grabbing his virtually empty wallet and keys from the side. He turned to find Sirius, palms resting behind him, leaning back against the table.

"But I've been on the run for months without anyone having seen me…"

"Apart from all those sightings in Hogsmeade two years ago; not to mention the fact that you were nearly recaptured and taken back to Azkaban…"

Sirius tossed his head and said with a flippant wave of his hand, "But since then I've been more careful, haven't I? I was hiding in a cave above Hogsmeade for a good while this year and no-one knew I was there. Well, asides from Harry…and Hermione…and Ron…" Remus raised his eyebrows as Sirius nodded his head before conceding, "…and I think maybe that the old witch that lives in that tumbledown old place by the railway might have seen me once or twice…" Remus' hand was on the door handle. "But only as a dog, mind you!"

"You can't be so reckless, not now," Remus chided, prompting a predictable sigh from Sirius. Remus shut the door he had only partially opened and, moving back into the room, pressed on, "It could be more dangerous than you realise. Not only will the Ministry be keen to rectify the situation that enabled you to escape _twice,_ but I'm sure that Voldemort's followers won't hesitate in trying to avenge themselves on the man who has, for many years, been credited with the glory of betraying the Potters."

At this Sirius looked up and Remus realised that what he had just said could have caused more pain than he had intended. He had unwittingly reminded both of them of not only the death of their friends but also of the role their misplaced mistrust had played in their demise.

For the moment, at least, Sirius seemed unwilling to let these thoughts disturb the tentative relationship that was beginning to develop between the two old friends. Instead, he took a step away from the table he had been resting against and tried to reason, "Most of those followers being locked safely away in Azkaban."

"They thought _you_ were locked safely away in Azkaban…" Remus once more opened the door. "Yet here you are."

Sirius laughed shortly. "I think you're under-estimating what it took to escape."

Remus acknowledged the truth of this by not pursuing the subject any further. Jingling his keys in his hand he asked, "Is there anything in particular you want?" Sirius had shrugged noncommittally before sinking down into the low, patchy sofa.

That had been the only occasion when Sirius had seemed restless. On the other days he appeared more than happy to lounge on Remus' furniture, to leaf through his old magazines and books and to laugh as he rifled through Remus' record collection.

"Some things never change," Sirius said, indicating with his hand Remus' taste in music.

But some things had altered irrevocably and Remus had yet to get used to Sirius' more than casual way of coming up behind him and running his hands over his shoulders. He had started as though electrocuted one morning when he had been standing at the sink washing up the things left from the previous night's dinner as Sirius had crept up behind him to rest his chest against his back. In his surprise Remus had left the tap running and as Sirius had leant against him he had forgotten, only to be reminded by Sirius saying "Careful, Moony" before the water that had rapidly filled the sink slopped onto the floor.

Some days Remus felt as though he could have almost have imagined what had happened between them since Sirius had returned. They would sit together, Remus reading and Sirius pretending to, just like he used to do. They would play games; Sirius found a Muggle chessboard in the cupboard on the landing of the communal stairs and, although he professed it was in no way as exciting as Wizard's Chess, they would sit opposite one another at the kitchen table, playing as they would have played when they were young.

"You're cheating," Remus informed him, observing the manoeuvre that Sirius had obviously been trying to disguise.

"No I'm not," Sirius had tried to deflect, feigning nonchalance.

"Yes you are. You know, as well as I, that bishops can't move like that."

"Muggle chess," Sirius began, interrupting his words as he took a drink. "Different rules."

Remus laughed softly to himself before reaching across the chess board to move Sirius' bishop back to the place it had just forsaken.

Maybe it was moments like this - moments when Remus was warmly reminded of the way things had been between them before having been warped by suspicion - that made other moments feel so clandestine. Maybe this was why Sirius had developed a habit of catching Remus so unawares? If Remus was sat at a table, bent low over the _Daily Prophet,_ he could sense when Sirius opened the door behind him before he heard it; he could feel Sirius' eyes on the back of his neck. When he was shaving in the bathroom and Sirius entered without knocking and had reached to retrieve his toothbrush Remus' nerves had been on edge, simultaneously hoping and fearing the moment when Sirius' arm would brush up against his. Those things hadn't changed at least, Remus thought to himself. If he was honest with himself, and the past few days seemed an appropriate time to start being that, then Remus knew that this had always been the way between them: Sirius teasing, toying, tempting, always furtive, and Remus attempting to remain composed, struggling to remain suppressed, adamant every time that it would take more than flirting for him to relinquish control.

But it was no longer just a question of Sirius' flirting and when the night would return and Remus removed himself to the bedroom, replacing parchment and ink to the desk with the broken leg, he could sense Sirius' presence at his bedroom door more distinctly than he could during the day. His composure was threatened more by Sirius advancing towards him and closing the door behind him so the room descended into dark, than by lingering looks.

He tried to find the words to make Sirius hesitate but they swiftly escaped him as he became conscious of how little distance remained between them. He tried to move back in a fruitless attempt to evade the situation but instead he realised that he had nowhere to go. His legs bashed back against the legs of the desk and he stumbled backwards, knocking books, parchment slipping to the floor, as he reached behind him to steady himself and to turn on the light.

"Wait…wait…" Remus was flustered and the desk and the lamp-light rocked.

"Wait?" Sirius queried darkly. His eyes were fixed on Remus'.

"Y…yes…" Remus was breathless as he felt Sirius run his hands towards the collar of his shirt. Sirius smiled that infuriating smile which always told Remus that he had won. With that smile Sirius shook his head and said, "I'm not waiting Remus" before kissing him.

That kiss stole every protest that Remus' mind had tried to form and he could no longer discern whether or not this was what he wanted as Sirius' hands found their way through his hair. In a matter of moments Remus realised that all his questions would soon find an answer in Sirius…and his incessant mouth…his unforgiving hands that would make him relent and fall back on the bed in a tumble of limbs and sheets. And then there would be no more objections, the totality of night would give way to the feebleness of day, and Remus would cease to think altogether.

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_Reviews and opinions eagerly encouraged! xxx_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews! It's early days but I'm pleased that people have come across from the other stories. _

_Thank you to Megan who is my faithful beta and housemate, Rosie, who helps get my grammar up to scratch, and to SomethingBorrowed, for her kind words and loyalty to me as a reader and writer!_

_Disclaimer: I merely borrow these characters. No need to sue._

**It's the first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix and all those gathered plan how to face whatever is to come.**

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Molly Weasley threw her arms around Remus' neck with such enthusiasm that, for a few seconds, he found it difficult to breathe.

"It's been too long!" Molly said, tightening her grasp before eventually relinquishing it.

"It's good to see you too, Molly."

"Amazing!" came Arthur Weasley's voice from the opposite side of the room and Remus turned to see him admiring a light bulb which, after replacing it, Sirius had left discarded on the sideboard.

"Hullo Arthur," Remus said crossing the room and shaking his hand.

Arthur beamed. "Molly _is_ right, you know. It has been too long. You know Ron couldn't stop gushing about you when you were teaching. Seems you really made an impression."

"Well…I…" Remus began to say something deflective, modest, but before he had a chance, Arthur had interrupted, "Now let's have none of that. You were a natural, you know? I don't want you thinking that all of us parents would have minded having a teacher that was…well…"

Arthur seemed flustered and Remus, feeling affection for the red-haired man, offered as a joke, "A teacher that turned into a werewolf once a month?"

Arthur laughed, clearly thankful for this jovial reprieve, and said, "It must be wonderful living in a place like this…so full of…" Arthur's voice was full of admiration.

Remus, glancing around at his extremely humble home, added, "Dust?"

"Now never mind all that," Molly fussed, immediately making herself at home, moving into the pokey kitchen to make tea. "After everyone's here and settled down with a few drinks inside them, it won't make any difference."

Remus wished that Dumbledore had heeded his subtle hints that his flat was just too small. However, Sirius' current situation had to be taken into account and, considering that he was still very much a wanted wizard, Dumbledore had thought it best that he remained in the place he had been hiding.

"Two sugars, Molly," Sirius announced on entering the room. Molly turned round only long enough to roll her eyes before Sirius shook Arthur's hand.

"Arthur."

"Nice to see you looking so well, Sirius," Arthur remarked taking a seat opposite where Sirius sat at the table.

"Remus has been taking good care of me," Sirius said with a slight smile which Remus tried desperately not to respond to. Thankfully, at that moment, the doorbell rang.

When Remus opened the door he found himself face to face with a tall, black, bald man he vaguely recognised. But before he had asked the guest his name Arthur Weasley had appeared beside him and, extending his hand, said, "Great to see you could make it, Kingsley."

"Thank you, Arthur," Shacklebolt said in rich tones, entering the flat and turning his attention to Remus.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt, isn't it?" Remus said, recognising both the name and the man himself.

Shacklebolt smiled broadly and shook Remus' hand before his head swivelled round and his eyes fixed on Sirius.

"Well, if it isn't the elusive Sirius Black," Shacklebolt announced with what sounded to Remus like admiration, and he watched as he crossed the room to where Sirius was sat. Sirius rose to his feet and took the hand that was offered to him. "I don't mind saying that you've been giving my department quite the run-around since you escaped from Azkaban."

Sirius laughed at this. "So you're the Auror that's leading the investigation into my whereabouts?" Shacklebolt nodded and Sirius laughed again. "What's the price on my head now?"

"Ten thousand Galleons."

"Really?" Sirius said, slipping back into his chair, sounding vaguely impressed.

"For ten thousand Galleons I might be tempted to hand you in myself," Molly said, her head appearing from round the side to the cupboard.

Sirius responded with the sweetest of smiles.

"For what it's worth," Shacklebolt said, taking a chair by the boarded up fireplace. "I never really believed it. It didn't add up somehow, what you were supposed to have done."

Their conversation was interrupted by an almighty thud outside the front door and a gruff voice on the other side could be heard reprimanding, "For god's sake, look where you're going…"

"I _was_ looking where I was going!" came the snappish reply before there was a loud rap on the door. "Honestly, for a man who can supposedly see out the back of his head…"

"I'll get it," Remus said, moving over to the door, stopping Molly from forsaking her place in the kitchen.

"Come in, come in," Remus said, ushering in the two Aurors that had caused such a commotion outside. One he recognised well: Mad Eye Moody but the other, a young witch, much too young, at first glance, to be an Auror, with a great shock of crimson hair, he did not recognise.

Sirius, on the other hand, did, and seeing the witch enter, he rose up from the table and swiftly crossed the room to greet her.

"My god! It's not…?" The young witch nodded and, with a laugh, Sirius threw his arms about her. She laughed too and, on drawing back, Sirius beheld her face with astonishment between his two hands. "The last time I saw you you were only a kid, pestering me to show you my new broom!"

"It's been a long time since then," she said. With one arm about her shoulder Sirius guided her into a room and, addressing those that were gathered, said, "This is my cousin, Nymphadora."

The witch took a sharp intake of breath and Sirius laughed and said, "Oh yes, I forgot..."

"Just call me Tonks. It's fine." Tonks held her hand out to Molly and Arthur and then turned her wide eyes on Remus.

"You remember me talking about Andromeda?" Sirius said to Remus. "One of the few members of my family I could actually stomach?"

"Of course," Remus said, memories of past conversations flooding back.

"Well this is her daughter. How is Andromeda? And Ted?" Caught up in his reminiscence Sirius seemed to forget that anyone else was there. Remus, after offering Shacklebolt a drink, sat down on the sofa.

"So, how many more to come?" Remus asked him.

"We have had trouble recruiting inside the Ministry," Shacklebolt answered. "Fudge is feeling his grasp on power slipping. He's keeping a wary eye on us all."

"But surely," Molly called from the kitchen, "he can't seriously doubt His return?"

As Molly spoke the air was split with an almighty crack causing her to drop the tray of tea she had been in the process of carrying into the small living room. Arthur dropped the light bulb he had gone back to admiring, smashing it to smithereens. Moody and Tonks leapt instinctively to their feet, withdrawing their wands and levelling them at Dumbledore who had just apparated into Remus' flat.

"What a welcome," Dumbledore said with a smile, removing his hat. It seemed that everyone moved to welcome him it once, all except Molly who did her best to clear up the mess.

"Don't worry about all that," Remus endeavoured to make her hear but the raucous obscured his words.

After the spillage and broken glass were conjured away, after everyone had been introduced or had become reacquainted and had something to drink, Dumbledore took his seat at the head of the battered old table around which all the members were crowded.

"I don't think there is any need to waste time in explaining why we are here," Dumbledore began. "The thing that we have feared for many years has happened: Lord Voldemort has returned." A pregnant pause followed and Remus saw Dumbledore's eyes pass over the faces of those that were gathered.

"That poor boy…" Molly said sadly and Remus turned his eyes down to the table, not bearing to think of Cedric Diggory's fate.

"The Minister refuses to acknowledge Diggory's death as murder."

"That's outrageous!" Arthur said in response to Shacklebolt's statement. "What sort of world are we living in when a boy can be killed and the Minister of Magic barely bats an eyelid?"

"Unfortunately that is the way things have become. The difference is whether or not there are those amongst us who are willing to fight," Dumbledore replied.

"By the looks of things there aren't many," Remus said, casting his eyes around.

"It has been difficult, in the current climate, to ascertain just whose support we can rely on," Dumbledore said slowly.

"Things are very different than before," Shacklebolt added.

"What you mean is that nobody's willing to risk their neck considering how many people died before." It was the first time Sirius had spoken for some time and, true to form, he automatically drew attention to himself.

"I'm here, aren't I?" Tonks said, a little incredulous at her cousin's comment. Remus warmed to her instantly; anyone that could stand their ground in the face of Sirius' temper he immediately respected.

"It will take time for people to realise just what's at stake and to decide how significant a role they could play." Remus attempted to placate Sirius and it seemed to work.

"Although we may not have the numbers that Voldemort can amass, we have the support of key figures that will be instrumental in the fight to come. Kingsley, I shall be depending on you to misdirect the search for Sirius where possible. Alastor…Nymphadora," Dumbledore turned, addressing those he had named. Remus watched Tonks bite back her desire to correct Dumbledore about her name. "You'll keep an eye on things in the Ministry…you too, Arthur. I have the impression that as time goes on Cornelius will become less tolerant of my interferences."

"Remus," Dumbledore turned his blue eyes to him and he sensed the weight of whatever he was about to ask in them. "Over the next few months I shall have to ask you to use your lycanthropy to our favour. I know this shall be difficult for you but…"

"I'll do whatever it takes," Remus asserted. Dumbledore, pleased and unsurprised by Remus' response, simply nodded.

"And what can I do?" Sirius asked, an edge of impatience clearly detectable in his voice. "It seems to me all the jobs are nicely divvied up…"

"There's very little you can do," Dumbledore said sympathetically. "You are convicted criminal and, as unjust as that may be, we cannot risk the greater endeavours of the Order because of your involvement."

Sirius nodded down into his Firewhiskey before, having downed it, he announced, "Well, we'll need some sort of headquarters, won't we? We can't meet here." Nobody spoke so Sirius continued, "Well, I have the solution. We'll use my darling mother's house; god knows I don't want to live there. I don't think she intentionally bequeathed it to me on her death but, considering I was in Azkaban at the time, perhaps she conveniently forgot about my existence…or felt proud of the horrible crimes she thought I might have committed. Anyway," he continued, brightening, "It's perfect."

"That's very generous of you, Sirius," Dumbledore said with a smile. "But you do realise that this will mean sharing a home with many others when occasion calls for it? Even those you do not like?"

"Don't worry. It was never much of a home and I've had years of practice having lived there with my family."

The conversations continued for many hours after that, addressing the formalities of just how the deeds for Grimmauld Place could be acquired on Sirius' behalf. Finally, after several pots of tea and two empty bottles of Firewhiskey, the order of business seemed to come to a natural close, until Molly voiced her concern for Harry.

"What about Harry?" she asked, causing the sleepy stupor that many had fallen into to evaporate with the mention of that name.

"Things should continue as they always have. Harry shall return to Little Whinging for the summer and start his fifth year at Hogwarts in September."

"Do you not think he'd prefer to come and live with me?" Sirius queried.

"It is not a question of what Harry may prefer," Dumbledore began slowly. "It is a question of the boy's safety and that is very much dependent on him remaining with his aunt and uncle at present."

"Even if they don't care for him?"

The silence that followed was awkward until Dumbledore broke it again, "I also think it wise, for the time being at least, if all contact with Harry ceased." This even surprised Remus and he could hardly believe his ears as Dumbledore continued, "It has come to my attention that the connection between Voldemort and Harry may be more dangerous than we think and that, until this is fully understood, we should not tempt fate in confiding in Harry the things we have discussed here tonight."

"But it involves Harry more than it concerns anyone else at this table!" Sirius spluttered in disbelief. "How can it be fair if we leave him in the dark?"

"If it means that he shall be safe," Molly chipped in passionately. "Than I say it can only be a good thing if he doesn't know."

"I don't remember you having any particular duty to voice your opinion," Sirius snapped back, only to be met by a glare of complete contempt from Molly.

The coldness between them remained until everyone else had left and Arthur, taking Sirius' hand and shaking it, tried to force him and Molly to at least give each other a courteous farewell. It didn't happen, however, and neither of them could even force a smile before Arthur and Molly departed.

As soon as they were alone Sirius turned to Remus and fumed, "Can that bloody woman not keep her thoughts to herself!"

Remus watched as he paced up and down.

"She only wants the best for Harry. She cares about him too."

"Yes, well, it seems that everyone has conveniently forgotten the fact that I'm his godfather. Don't you think that, given the choice, Harry would rather know?"

"Yes, I do," Remus said, sinking back into the sofa, "But I also think that you should listen to what Dumbledore is saying. We're not hiding anything from Harry that's not for his own good."

"God, I feel so useless!" Sirius flung himself down on the sofa beside Remus, resting his head back and looking up at the ceiling.

"That was a very generous thing you did, offering the Order Grimmauld Place."

Sirius merely laughed and turned his face an inch so he was facing Remus and said, "Really? I thought it was a bit of a selfish joke. After all, I couldn't think of a better away to get back at that damnable old witch than to offer her house as headquarters."

Silence descended, broken only by the slow ticking of the carriage clock that stood on the mantelpiece, measuring the time between them.

"You'll be leaving, then?" Remus said, consciously avoiding those grey eyes.

"Someone will have to go and take control of Kreacher. God knows what he's been doing in the house all alone for all these years."

Remus nodded. So it seemed like the unreality of the past few weeks was gradually coming to an end. He closed his eyes and as he did so he felt the tiniest of nudges against his sides and he opened his eyes to see Sirius, a half-smile playing about his lips, staring back at him.

"Come with me."

"I couldn't, you know that."

"Why not?" he asked. "You're a member of the Order. You'd be there all the time anyway. You could leave this horrible flat…"

"I thought you liked this flat," Remus teased, closing his eyes once more.

"Alright, it's a horrible flat. But you could leave it and move in with me."

"Into an equally horrible house?"

"Yes…well…" Sirius faltered slightly. "It would, at least, have one benefit over living here."

"Really? What's that?"

Even through closed eyes Remus could sense the smirk.

"My presence."

Remus opened one eye.

"You know that wouldn't even have worked when we were seventeen."

"Of course it would," Sirius said, matter-of-factly, "You just wouldn't have acknowledged it back then."

Remus opened the other eye and glared at his friend.

"What are you frightened of?" Sirius asked in all seriousness. "Frightened of what someone might suspect?"

Remus felt himself blushing but he refused to turn away.

"It's not like that." Remus doubted what he had said immediately after saying it.

"Isn't it?"

Words were escaping Remus. He didn't know what to say. He wanted desperately to deny it although he didn't feel like he could: how could he deny something he wasn't sure wasn't true? But Sirius, true to form, seemed to be having no such problems and knew exactly what to say.

"What is it like then, Moony?" Sirius queried, leaning his head back, sinking into the comfortableness of the sofa. A vague smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth. "We've grown quite comfortable here together, haven't we?" His eyes were levelled at Remus, challenging, daring him to turn away.

"Is that what you'd call it?" Remus said, not meaning to sound spiteful. He laughed nervously before shrugging and saying, "Interesting choice of words…"

"Well, how would you rather I put it…" Sirius lowered his voice and their was an unmistakeable edge of desire to his words as he articulated slowly, "…would you rather I tell you that when I was looking across the table at you this evening all I could think about was the way that you taste…"

"Stop this," Remus said exhaling, angry. "This isn't fair."

For a moment it appeared as though Sirius was contemplating saying something else, taking the joke further, but the impulse faded away and instead he changed the subject completely.

"I can't believe how much Tonks has grown. One of the youngest female Aurors ever at the Ministry, or so she tells me." He raised an eyebrow before continuing with a firm nod of the head, "She was one of the good ones…her mother too, Andromeda…" Remus watched as he sneered to himself and rubbed his face wearily before saying, "Our genes can't be that defective…"

"She'll be helpful," Remus said. "Her and Moody and Kingsley. We'll need people on the inside, close to Fudge, that will be able to pass information to us."

"I forgot to say," Sirius suddenly recollected, "Dumbledore wants us to get word to some people. Mundungus Fletcher…he shouldn't be too hard to find…I'd start with the Hog's Head and the less reputable parts of Diagon Alley."

Remus laughed shortly before asking "Anyone else?"

The smile that had been forming on Sirius' mouth disappeared and he seemed uncomfortable as he said quietly, "Arabella Figg."

The unexpected mention of that name caused Remus to start. He hadn't heard it for such a long time.

"I never asked…" Sirius began delicately. "I don't know how it happened…"

"It wasn't long after you went to Azkaban," Remus began, his mouth dry. "She got caught up in a bit of trouble with some Death Eaters who were trying to cause as much chaos as possible before going into hiding for good." An image of the pretty, blonde-haired Ravenclaw Chaser came to the forefront of Remus' mind. It had been so many years since he had thought of Eleanor at all. "She got in the way. She tried to stop the Carrows from torturing some Muggles. They didn't care."

"I am sorry, Moony," Sirius said, reaching across to place his hand on Remus' arm. Remus knew that he meant it although it some how felt inappropriate and he flinched away from the touch. "It must have been hard…"

"I barely knew her then," Remus confessed. "I hadn't spoken to her since Hogwarts." He shrugged, trying to simultaneously remember and forget the face of the girl who had, in their sixth year, been the first person to see him in the way he wanted to be seen. "I only wish," Remus began after taking a deep breath, "I only wish things had been different. She didn't deserve to die." Remus looked up to see Sirius staring off into the distance, thinking silently to himself. "And it's happening again. Voldemort's back and people will die, like they did before, and I don't know whether or not…" His voice wavered slightly and Sirius finally focused and turned to face him. "…I don't know whether I'm strong enough to go through that again."

"Listen to me," Sirius' voice was determined. "You _have _to be strong, you hear me? You can't doubt yourself, not now, not when there are people that need you. We've been through terrible things, we've lost people we loved yet here we are. Don't you understand? _We _survived." Remus' mirthless laughter was enough to rival Sirius' but Sirius, unwilling to let his friend to succumb to fear, continued, "And that's powerful. We endured as did all of those that fought and survived last time. He can't touch it, Moony." Sirius' voice had softened and Remus, touched by this softness, began to feel reassured. "He can't take that from us. But you _mustn't_ doubt."

With those words Remus was transported back to a night many years before when he had sat on the turret of Gryffindor tower with Sirius: an evening when Sirius had suddenly appeared so much older than a boy of seventeen. When he had looked to Remus and told him that he felt like a man with no future he had a ghost of an older man already on his face.

"Do you remember?" Sirius' voice intruded on the memory but by the way he had spoken Remus was certain that he was remembering too. Remus simply nodded, Sirius' words from the past coming back to haunt him in the present _"If you doubt, Moony, then what hope is there for the rest of us?" _

Remus realised then the true significance of what he had said in reply, _"All I know, Sirius, is that this isn't something that we can handle on our own."_ He knew now, now that both of them were remembering, now that many years had passed, that he had been right. And Sirius was right to remind him that there was too much at stake for him to loose himself to fear. He had to be strong.

Sirius smiled as if it pained him and, his grey eyes widening, he stressed in a whisper, "You _mustn't_ doubt." And Remus knew what he meant, knew without asking what Sirius was truly saying: "You _mustn't_ doubt Moony. You must be strong for me."

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Reviews and opinions strongly encouraged. Let me know what you think xxx


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you to all of those who are reading and reviewing. It really does mean a lot to me to know what you think._

_Apologies for the long time between updates. Have been very busy of late and usually I'm much quicker at these sorts of things. But I hope you enjoy this chapter nonetheless._

_Thank you to Meg and SomethingBorrowed. _

_Disclaimer: J.K.Rowling is responsible for the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I am not. No need to sue._

**Remus joins Moody on his task to find Mundungus Fletcher, causing a trip to The Leaky Cauldron to remind him of something painful from his past. And just what has Sirius been up to in his absence?**

* * *

"So," Moody cleared his throat gruffly, casting furtive looks about him before turning his attention back to Remus. "What exactly did he do with that hippogriff?"

"Buckbeak?" Remus queried. Moody nodded. "I think he's still up in that cave above Hogsmeade. That way I'm sure Hagrid will be able to take care of him for the time being."

"Aye, that would make sense," Moody remarked and Remus adjusted the speed of his walking to allow the man with the limp to keep up. "Well, until he goes off to visit the giants, that is." Remus was stunned and Moody's lips curled into a slight smile as he said, "You didn't know that, did you?"

"No," Remus conceded, stepping aside to allow a gang of Muggle teenagers to pass. He looked back at them over his shoulder, seeing the way that they pulled on one another's arms and pointed back in the direction of the two men they had just passed. Although he didn't exactly look like a Muggle Remus had always made an effort to blend in. Moody, on the other hand, was hardly inconspicuous. "Is that safe?" Moody frowned at him. "What I mean is…how can we know that Hagrid will come back? Last time when envoys where sent to the giants most of them disappeared."

"We don't know," was Moody's reply as he slowed, seeing that they were fast approaching The Leaky Cauldron. "And as for it being safe, it's not exactly safe for any of us." Moody paused. "You'll have to make contact with other werewolves, Lupin. I wouldn't exactly call that a walk in the park."

Remus could not think of a way to reply. Moody was right, of course, although it had always been the case that Remus had put the safety of others far and above his own. It hardly seemed worth explaining and as they reached the door to the pub he changed the conversation.

"So. What exactly has Mundungus been up to lately?"

"Last I heard he was down in Abergavenny trying to offload some dodgy Miracle-Gro…"

"Erm…" Remus mumbled, narrowly avoiding a wily wizard with smeary spectacles who was pushing his way out of the door. Moody halted, waiting for Remus to finish what he was going to say. "Isn't that what Muggles use on grass?"

Moody gave a derisive snort before making his way over to the bar. "Seems he's been pedalling it as some sort of magical cure for Wizarding baldness." Remus barely contained his laughter as he was suddenly struck with a vivid image of wizards sprouting turf on their heads instead hair. He quickly suppressed it as Moody cast a reprimanding glance in his direction before barking roughly at the barman, "Afternoon Tom."

Tom flashed a snaggle-toothed grin in Moody's direction, instinctively reaching for one of the dusty bottles behind him with the words, "The usual?"

"Not today, Tom," Moody said after clearing his throat in an embarrassed fashion. "We're here on business."

Remus tried to suppress his amusement as Tom drew himself up, puffed out his chest, and said in an official manner, "I see. Well, how can I help you?"

"We're looking for Mundungus Fletcher," Remus said.

Tom rubbed a hand over his chin and he seemed to be addressing more than just Moody and Remus as he mused, "Mundungus…Fletcher, you say? Nah…" He hesitated and Remus had the impression he was hesitating deliberately as he cast a swift glance to the opposite side of the room. "…Can't say I've seen him…"

"Oh no you don't!" Moody suddenly barked, turning swiftly, drawing his wand and crying "_Impedimenta!" _

Remus watched as the doleful looking man with matted ginger hair froze to the spot, preventing him before reaching the door as he had intended. In two swift strides Moody had moved over to Mundungus and, grabbing him by the scruff of his robes and mumbling the counter-curse, he said, "We need to talk to you, Fletcher!"

As Remus followed Moody as he dragged Mundungus into one of the adjoining rooms he heard Mundungus say, "Geroff me you great loon! I ain't done nuffin that the Ministry need concern itself wiv!"

"Pah!" Moody exhaled, shoving Mundungus down into a rickety, bow-backed chair and, with a glance, warned him to stay there.

"We're not here on Ministry business," Remus said slowly. Mundungus turned his bloodshot eyes to him.

"And who are you?"

"Did your mother never teach you manners?" Moody snapped.

"Hey!" Mundungus looked vaguely affronted. He jabbed a finger in Moody's direction. "What my muva taught me ain't none of your business!"

"It's alright," Remus tried to placate them and, reaching out to take Mundungus' hand, he said, "I'm Remus Lupin."

Mundungus shook his hand. "Oh, Lupin, ain't it? I remember now. Weren't you teachin' at 'ogwarts a few years back? Had to leave, didn't ya? Why was that again?"

"Because not everyone wanted their children to be taught by a werewolf," Remus parried.

Mundungus' droopy eyes bulged and he seemed, all of a sudden, to take the interview more seriously.

"So as I said," Remus swiftly continued, seizing on Mundungus' temporary silence. "We're not here on Ministry business. We're here about the Order of the Phoenix."

"You have read the _Daily Prophet_ lately, I take it?" Moody said in such a way that Remus was in no doubt that he was implying that he had little faith that Mundungus read anything at all.

Mundungus shrugged dismissively. "Yeah. All that stuff 'bout the Twiwizard Tournament. That boy popping his clogs. Fudge denyin' it all…" He trailed off. "You know I thought that somethin' was fishy. Too much like last time, I thought to meself. He must be back!"

"Dumbledore's reformed the Order. Moody, myself and a few others but we're having trouble recruiting people. It seems that not many people are willing to believe that Cedric Diggory's death was anymore than a tragic accident." Mundungus nodded as though he understood. "Dumbledore was hoping that we could count on you to join us."

Mundungus thought for a moment, his eyes moving between Moody and Remus, and Remus realised that Mundungus had little choice. He flashed a grin and, reaching inside his robes, produced a grubby black pipe and, lighting it with the tip of his wand, began to puff on it in celebration.

"I'll be more than 'appy to do my bit." His saggy face was rapidly disappearing in a cloud of greenish smoke. "What is it I'll be expected to do?"

"Dumbledore wants you to stick with Arabella Figg." Remus involuntarily started at the name but, thankfully, neither man seemed to notice as Moody continued, "She's a Squib, you see, and although she's good enough at keeping an eye on Harry she won't be much use if it comes to using magic."

"The Potter boy?" Mundungus sounded a little surprised, as though he hadn't been expecting such a responsible charge. Remus gave a slight nod of his head. "And where does this Figg live?" Mundungus asked.

"Near Harry's aunt and uncle's. Little Whinging, Surrey to be precise."

"Does she know to expect me as a 'ouse guest?"

Moody shook his head but before he could say what he had been intending to, Remus had automatically interrupted, "I'll be informing her to expect you." Moody shot him a glance which Remus tried his best to ignore as he rose to his feet, dusting down the back of his robes as he did so. "We'll be in touch in a week or so…"

"And make sure you keep yourself out of trouble until then, you hear?" Moody warned. "You can't take the same risks now that you're in the Order…"

"Alright, alright, Mad-Eye, keep ya shirt on, I ain't going anywhere."

Both Remus and Moody were silent as they departed, leaving Mundungus smoking in the empty room. As they pushed their way out onto the street that was now bustling with Muggle commuters, Remus finally broke the silence and asked, "Do you think he can be trusted?"

"If it were a case of counterfeit cauldrons then I wouldn't trust Fletcher as far as I could throw him…" After adjusting the way his robes fell from his shoulders Moody began limping steadily down the street. "But he will have his uses, there's no doubting that. And I think even he can be trusted with something as important as this." Remus nodded and turned to Moody, intending to say farewell at the end of the street.

"You'll be contacting Dumbledore then, I take it?" Remus furrowed his brow, not understanding what Moody meant. "About Arabella…"

"Oh…yes…" Remus faltered. When he had blurted aloud that he would be the one to contact Arabella Figg he hadn't really thought it through. It had been involuntary, instinctual, a nervous response that he couldn't control, and before he could take it back it was too late. But from the way that Moody had stopped him from leaving Remus had the distinct impression that Moody may have suspected just that.

"I'll go and see her in person."

"Tonks can come with you," Moody offered in off-handed way, trying not to betray his concern. Perhaps he too had been reminded, as they had stepped inside The Leaky Cauldron, of a time in a past when they had been here before with Sirius, James, Lily and Eleanor. "She's a good girl. Quite useful to have around if she's not a little…hap-hazard…"

"Thanks for the offer but…if it's all the same to you I think I'd prefer to go alone."

Moody seemed to process this for a moment before making a gruff, non-committal sound and Remus held back, watching in Moody's direction, as he began to walk away.

* * *

It was hot by the time Remus had made his way back from The Leaky Cauldron to his flat. It was six o'clock in the evening but it wasn't even starting to get dark. The bright, orange sun glared down from the cobalt blue sky, pouring over the rooftops and through thick glass windows. Remus wiped his forehead on the back of his sleeve before slipping his key into the door and walking into the communal lobby of the building. He made the usual pretence of checking his Muggle post - although he knew full well that his box would be empty – but before he could climb the stairs the door beside him had opened and his landlord, a particularly surly middle-aged man named Archie Baxter, had appeared.

"Ah, Lupin," he articulated, sneering, and Remus could smell the cigarettes on his breath. "I've been meaning to have a word with you."

"I really can't stop…" Remus tried to move away yet before he even had one foot on the bottom stair, Archie had pressed on, "Your cheque bounced, _again_." He seemed to take great delight in saying this and inwardly Remus cringed. Even when he had written the cheque he hadn't been certain it would clear. "This can't carry on, Lupin."

"No, no I agree with you."

"So," Archie leered forwards, one hand on the banister, and Remus noticed the tea stain on the front of his chequered shirt. "When I can expect my money?"

"By the end of the week," Remus thought quickly although he doubted the truth of what he had just said. Where on earth was he going to find that sort of money in so short a time?

"I better," Archie snapped and Remus, hoping rather than truly thinking that this would be the end of it, began climbing the stairs. But Archie was persistent, perhaps it was the heat that was making him particularly irritable, perhaps he had backed the wrong horse and it had fallen at the first hurdle? Whatever it was it made Archie climb the stairs with him and continue to complain, "You haven't exactly been the ideal tenant. Don't think I don't notice all those things going on…all those weirdoes you have turning up all hours of the day and night…" They had reached the front door to Remus' flat and he was struggling to pull his keys out of his pocket without retrieving his wand. "And you signed a contract agreeing to no pets…"

"Pets?" Remus responded quickly as though he had only just realised that Archie was still there.

Leaning back against the wall Archie obviously felt triumphant and he said with a slight shrug, "Yeah. That great big dog I saw earlier jumping from the tin roof outside and in through your window…"

"He's not mine," Remus tried to convince him with his most genuine of smiles. "I'm just looking after him for someone. They had to go away quickly and didn't have the time to arrange anything else. It was a family emergency otherwise I wouldn't have agreed."

"Well," Archie mused, dragging it out, prolonging Remus' pain. "Just make sure he's gone by the time I get my money or…" But Remus didn't hang around to hear what followed as he had finally managed to pull his keys from his pocket and had swiftly put the door between them.

At the sound of the door slamming Sirius looked up. "Good day?" he taunted, clearly seeing from Remus' expression that he was in no mood to joke.

"You've been out, haven't you?" Remus accused as he walked into the kitchen, taking a glass from the drainer and filling it with water. He chugged all the liquid. He could feel Sirius watching him.

"Was that what he was on at you about?" Sirius asked, yawning, stretching his arms above his head, indicating with a wave of his hand the front door and Remus' landlord who was somewhere beyond it.

"What? Remus asked, confused. He shrugged, pushing his hair back from his clammy forehead before saying without thinking, "No…not all…he wanted to know when he was getting his rent…"

"You haven't paid it?" Sirius was concerned. He had forgotten his joke and was now leaning forward in his chair, his eyes fixed on Remus who was still hovering in the kitchen. "Because if you're having trouble," Sirius stressed. "I'm staying here too. I should be paying my way…"

Remus ignored Sirius' offer of money; it had always been an uncomfortable topic of conversation between him and his friends. When they had been younger at Hogwarts it had hardly seemed to matter but when they had left the difference in their fortunes had become more pronounced. James had always been, for want of a better word, loaded. Even though he had received a number of job offers on leaving Hogwarts, a place in the Auror department and a position on one of the top-ranking Quidditch teams in the country amongst them, he had never needed to work. Sirius had never professed any great desire to undertake any kind of paid employment; perhaps he had grown too used to not having to work for his money. Remus, on the other hand, had never had that luxury. On leaving school he had been almost certain that the chances of him finding a job in the Wizarding world would be virtually impossible, which was only made worse when the Ministry passed a particularly nasty piece of legislation that almost encouraged discrimination against werewolves. Since his job as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts Remus had only managed to find temporary Muggle work, nothing that neither challenged him or he enjoyed, and he had barely managed to survive one month to the next with what little money earned.

"Do you know how dangerous it was for you to go out?" Perhaps Archie's irritableness had been contagious? Perhaps it was just too hot? Whatever it was Remus felt his patience wavering. He turned from the kitchen to face Sirius. "Do you realise what could have happened?"

"Yes, we have had this conversation before," Sirius' voice was strained and Remus recognised his friend's attempt to keep in control.

"You _can't_ go out, not even as a dog. By now Wormtail would have told Voldemort that you're an animagus. Even that disguise isn't enough anymore." Remus paused, watching Sirius' face carefully. It seemed that in the years that had passed Sirius had learned how to master his temper. "Where did you go?"

"No-where, alright?" Remus had hoped too soon and Sirius had leapt to his feet and had begun to pace the room, agitated. "I didn't go anywhere! While you were off being so helpful to the Order I was stuck here, staring out of the window at the sunshine, and I thought it couldn't do much harm to transfigure and do a bit of sunbathing on that tin roof…"

"Why do you make it sound so exciting?" Remus questioned, disbelieving. Sirius laughed and shook his head down at the floor. "It's not some big adventure, Padfoot. It's not a laugh. This is serious. People could die…"

"Don't you think I know that?" Sirius had stopped pacing. "Don't you think I don't know what's at stake? I don't think it's a _laugh_. But while you can get out there," he gestured wildly to the window, "While you're out there helping, being useful, I'm stuck in here. What possible use can I be? I'm a convicted criminal but I'm the one person Harry should be able to depend on. I'm his godfather and I can't even protect him!"

"It can't be helped," Remus said in a whisper.

Sirius was no longer listening. He had begun pacing again, his grey eyes unstable, his voice erratic as he continued, "It's impossible, don't you see? Being cooped up here…and we argue but when we do there's no-where I can go. I can't go somewhere to think, to calm down, I'm _forced _to be here and I hate it!" The strength of Sirius' words surprised Remus, although he had no right to feel surprised. Sirius had always been like this: the boy who would escape out of the window to sit on the turret of the tower to think.

"You have a choice…" Remus had begun to say only to be met with a contemptible laugh from Sirius.

"No I don't, Moony," Sirius said darkly and Remus watched as he swallowed hard and avoided his eyes. "I might have escaped from Azkaban but I'm not free…I'm not a free man who can make his own choices. I'm not free to…" He faltered, shaking his head, before ending, "…decide."

As he had said this Remus realised what it was Sirius was saying; he realised just how different they both felt. When Sirius had arrived at his front door a week ago, a dishevelled wreck, Remus had suddenly been forced to remember all that he had tried desperately to forget. It had been a strange sensation: something which had been building since the day that Remus had picked up a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ to find a picture of Sirius staring back from the front page. He had attempted to ignore it during his time at Hogwarts; he had tried to forget that leering, manic face and had concentrated on his role of teacher: a role he enjoyed much more than he had expected. But every time he faced Harry he was forced to remember and he would be unable to avoid the guilt of knowing Sirius' secret: knowing that there were ways he could get into the castle undetected. Snape had suspected. Dumbledore had his concerns. And all the while Remus had lied, hadn't told a single soul what he knew, knowing full well that such misguided loyalty was putting Harry's life in danger.

He had seen Peter on the map…he had rushed to the Shrieking Shack and the pieces of the jigsaw finally seemed to fit into place in his mind. Wormtail hadn't died on that night so many years before. He had concealed himself in rat-form and hidden himself away. Sirius hadn't killed him…and as Remus had burst into the room, his eyes automatically seeking the crumpled man on the floor he had known, known even before having asked, that Sirius was not the man who had betrayed them. He had forgotten the hostility, the bitterness, the loneliness. He had forgotten that anybody else was there and in a moment he was at Sirius' side, pulling him to his feet and holding him tightly to him.

That had only been a year ago and yet so much had changed. In that time, in Sirius' absence, Remus had held on to the façade he had painfully clung to in the years when he had believed himself to be the only one left of his friends. He had fought back the feelings of remorse and had tried desperately to repress those feelings that had come back so swiftly when Sirius had returned; until a week ago that is, when Sirius had managed, as only Sirius would, in one, tender moment to successfully destroy the man he had tried to become.

But now, as he watched his friend pacing the carpet, Remus began to see that this had not been as free a choice as he had originally believed. He saw in Sirius' dark expression that when he had said that he had always known that things could be like this between them that he had not been certain, he had not been sure, and that the time that they had spent together had been forced upon Sirius. He was still not free.

"Go…" Remus exhaled slowly and automatically Sirius' eyes were upon him. "Get out…give yourself time. Go and sit on that roof if you have to." For a moment Sirius looked as though he might say something, as if he was going to protest, but before he had a chance to Remus had swiftly crossed the room and had thrown open the window.

He didn't look in Sirius' direction as he transformed into a dog. He didn't watch as leapt out of the window, only knowing that he had left by the sound of the empty jars that tinkled against one another as he brushed past the window sill. Hours past and Sirius did not return but Remus found he no longer worried. He had a shower and climbed into bed without thinking, without caring, hearing when Sirius returned late in the evening but not waiting for him to come to bed. When Remus awoke the next morning he was not surprised to find his bed empty and he knew, without having to ask, that Sirius would not share his bed again.

_Thank you for reading. Remember to let me know what you think! xxx_


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